Man, I rarely come across a line, a sentence, a phrase or lyric that immobilises every thought process in my mind, except the one directly instigated by said line, sentence, phrase or lyric.

Can you imagine being in a circumstance describable as “loneliness” only to discover that you’re not alone? You’re surrounded, it’s crowded, there’s so much congestion.

Then you try to turn away. You turn left. You bump into something. You turn right. You bump into something else. You turn and turn, yet you keep bumping into… yourself.

How incredible it is, the mental capacity of our brain when it comes to torturing ourselves. How incredible it is, that we can be our own biggest problem, blocking our path with the many different versions of ourselves.

How incredible it is, that even in loneliness and seclusion we can deny ourselves peace. How incredible it is, that over the years these iterations of ourselves can haunt and consume us even at times when we think we’ve gotten away from that which haunts and consumes us.

This isn’t a post to promote some motivation or “positive thinking” crap. Discipline will forever reign dominant over motivation and constant “positive thinking” is just denying life’s realities and what human beings were designed to experience.

I often find myself entangled in the congestion of my mind, where even during the quietest and darkest hour of the night I would turn to my left and then to my right as if trying to shake myself free, only to realise I’m colliding with myself harder than before.

I don’t know who is to blame. Do I blame myself for letting society nurture me into something incompatible with my nature, or do I blame the ideals I carry that make me feel guilty to the point of cognitive self-collision?

Years of experiences, monotonous living cycles and routine, unhealed trauma and the constant repetition of habits and ideals based on social and environmental nurture rather than nature, among countless other things, create congestion that even loneliness, seclusion and isolation can’t cure.

So, what is the solution? The Stoics would adopt an “It is what it is, how do I choose to react and what can I do about it?” sort of attitude, whereas the self-help and positive thinking “experts” would tell you to “remove the word impossible from your vocabulary” and that “positive thoughts” will “manifest into reality”.

Perhaps we are too hard on ourselves. Perhaps we don’t practice enough “self-love”, but perhaps that’s yet another cash grab initiated by the self-help industry. I do believe, however, that we are extremely hard on ourselves. If we have a friend come and tell us how incompetent they feel and how they’ve made a tonne of mistakes, we’d reassure them, support them and ultimately tell them that it’s not that deep.

So then why are we so self-critical? Why do we treat others better than we treat ourselves? Why aren’t we as supportive and reassuring with ourselves? I mean, reassurance is ironic in the sense that it ultimately has the opposite effect which I won’t get into today, but the point remains.

Just a small window into my instigated thoughts.

#HoodIntellectuals