Bismillah, In the Name of Allah
For years I’ve been wrestling with identity, purpose and mission. What am I? Who am I? What am I supposed to be doing? Who am I meant to be? How do I become successful? What even is success? What do I do? Who do I lean on? Where do I find the answers?
I’ve been stuck in a constant loop – stuck in systems designed by man to keep his fellow man ensnared. I’ve been searching high and low, far and wide, trying out a million different things to no avail. One day I decided to look within, and lo and behold, I found what I sought.
Go to a good school, get a good degree, get a good job, get married, have kids, buy a house, retire at 65 and enjoy the rest of your days. That’s the system I was raised in, that was the route to success that everyone around me was either on or pushed me towards.
“Look at so and so, they studied to become a pharmacist and now they’re making 50k a year!”
“She became a vet and is making 60k a year!” and a bunch of other “success stories”.
These are what I was competing against. This is what success looked like. This was how I was going to live a wholesome life. But it didn’t take me long to realise that that wasn’t the case. It wasn’t the key to success. I wasn’t successful. In fact, I felt lower than I ever had. I didn’t feel like I was living. The days blended and before I knew it a month went by, then a year, then a decade. This wasn’t life, this wasn’t me existing as a human “being”, it was me living as any other cog in the wheel.
I remember when I started working for the first time, it was at a dead-ended job with no progression but I “needed money”, apparently. So I gave up my life for this profession until one day a year and a half into it, I told myself “This isn’t it”. This isn’t what I am alive for. This isn’t all I am going to do with my life. I have to do something more. I have to “be” something more.
From there Hood Intellectuals was born. An idea that had been brewing but I wasn’t sure how to do it or what it would look like. It was messy, it wasn’t perfect, but it was something. I started writing. I had never felt so alive, I felt energised, I felt as though I had connected with The Divine.
It might seem contradictory seeing as the first thing I ever wrote about was Kanye getting his Tesla and tweeting Musk about it, but it really did feel that way. And as I continued down that road, writing was all I wanted to do and it changed my life.
When I first started Hood Intellectuals, the idea was to showcase intellect from a not-so-traditional perspective. The quickest way to do it at the time was to take rap lyrics and break them down, expand on them and tackle intellectual concepts through them. I was largely successful and there was no one else doing the same thing – perhaps there still isn’t. But before I knew it, that’s all it had become. And that’s not what I had wanted. I was associated with the rap scene and I didn’t want to be. I was quoting JAY-Z more than I was quoting people I genuinely looked up to. As much as I enjoy lyricism and rhythm and flow and all the things that make a great rap, it wasn’t the main essence of who I was.
I tried it all. I wrote. I made videos. I made reels. I tried connecting to labels. I tried reaching out to artists. I tried making them appear better. I tried purifying lyrics and artists by injecting my own essence into them. Ultimately, I was trying to be something I was not. I was my own block. And it was only when I turned my vision inwards that I was able to see the truth.
All I ever wanted, deep down, was to attain the Rida of my Lord (Rida can be loosely translated to mean “pleasure”). All I ever wanted in this life was to be who I was meant to be and live accordingly. For too long I tried to conform to what society expected, what my parents expected, what my friends thought was better, what my audience “wanted”, what Instagram wanted, what Google’s SEO wanted and the desires of everything and everyone but myself.
It was when I looked inward that I realised all I wanted was to “be”. I don’t care about fame, or wealth, or rank, or someone else’s expectations being met. I don’t care about the Hip-Hop industry and the mostly zio-controlled music industry. I don’t care about what JAY-Z or J. Cole think about me. I don’t care if people on Instagram, YouTube or any other social platform don’t like what I’m doing. All I care about is whether I’m living as I’m meant to be, as who I’m meant to be – true to myself and my Lord Almighty.
For that reason, I’m relaunching Hood Intellectuals as it’s meant to be. An extension of myself. A part of myself, true to myself and to my Lord. Hood Intellectuals is not what the industry expects, Hood Intellectuals will not conform. It is what it is based on who I am. I will write and I will share. And while it may seem like nothing has changed to some, it will have changed at its core because the intention and the purpose have now shifted.
Getting married, witnessing a live genocide, and getting lodged deeper in the system have all awakened me to the true reality of this life. I can’t show up for anyone I love if I don’t show up for myself. I can’t stand on the side of justice if I don’t show up for myself. I can’t escape the system unless I stay true to myself.
There will be no conforming to society’s expectations. I don’t care if Instagram is pushing reels or if YouTube rewards videos over 10 minutes long or whatever the new algorithm is. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but it took years of soul searching and experience to get here. The ultimate form of freedom is freedom from man-made belief systems designed to keep us lagging.
Allah created us to be His representatives on this Earth, above all other creation. No other created being was ordered to be prostrated to. We are all a miracle in ourselves. Our existence is a miracle. “The miracle of life”. Call it whatever you like. The fact is that we are all incredible beings created to be incredible and all we have to do is be as Allah created us to be.
From this point forward I will be writing intentionally, purposefully, and spiritually. This journey for me is an act of worship, this mission is my purpose. Whether I have 1 follower or lose 1,000, I am successful. I am successful because I move with intention. I take a step towards my Lord and He becomes ten steps’ worth closer to me. It’s not our responsibility to think about what success looks like, what our future looks like or what is destined for us. It’s our responsibility to put in the effort and to be honest with ourselves above all else.
We show up for work, we show up for school, we show up for others, but unless those things are a direct extension of showing up for ourselves then we are not acting correctly. We must first show up for ourselves. “I’m going to wake up early tomorrow to read” – do we? Do we keep promises to ourselves or do we break them?
I ask Allah to bless every soul reading these words.
I ask Allah to guide us and to allow us to see the good in everything.
I ask Allah to help us live according to how we were created.
I ask Allah to help us break free from systems designed to keep us trapped and to free us from beliefs that hold us back.
I ask Allah to help us keep our promises to ourselves and to rely on no one but His Majesty in all that we do.
I appreciate you reading this post, join me on this new chapter as I stay true to myself and tackle intellectual and spiritual concepts, one reflection at a time.